ADHD Coaching: A Thorny Rose
by Glen Hogard, A.C.T.
Is ADHD a blessing or a curse? The conversations go on and on. That bifurcation can get in the way of successful ADHD coaching. A great teacher of mine, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, used to say, “That which you put your attention on grows in your awareness.”
If someone hands you a rose and you prick your finger, you can spend the day cursing the thorn and your sore finger, or you can put your attention on the beautiful green leaves, the strong stem, and the beautiful blossom. The choice is yours to make; every day. This doesn’t mean you should ignore the thorns. You must acknowledge them. But losing sight of the most glorious aspects of the rose would be a great loss.
The same holds true for ADHD coaching. Coaches help clients improve situations resulting from having a different kind of brain. Our purpose is also to educate clients that ADHD need not be a death sentence or as debilitating as it has been. The title of Maharishi’s most famous book, The Science of Being and the Art of Living, illustrates that lesson.
The art and science of ADHD
There is a science to the ADHD brain which has been shown to be both physically and chemically different. And there is an art to using it to its best advantage. This is not an either/or situation but rather a both/and one. ADHD brains with their thoughts and impulses are finicky, tricky, and can get you into trouble. But it’s far worse if you don’t understand your own cluster of personal symptoms and how to live artfully.
I tell my clients ADHD coaching is not only about a neat desk or getting to work on time, it’s also about learning to use one’s brain to its best advantage. Social skills are important. Since there is a strong hereditary link, ADHD probably has affected family issues that tag along with ADHD.
ADHD and addictions
The tendency toward addiction to substances or processes is a common one. A recent study by the NIH finds problems with the dopamine transporter (D2) receptors which cause low dopamine levels in ADHD brains. Having normally lower levels of dopamine leaves people with ADHD brains with a lower ground state of mood. People with ADHD are habitual dopamine seekers which makes them feel better.
Because the tendency for addiction is so strong, Norah D. Volkow, M.D., of the NIH’s National Institute of Drug Abuse, recently suggested childhood and adolescent ADHD treatment might be used “as a preventative” against future drug abuse. She said, “subjects with ADHD have lower DA (dopamine agonist) release than controls…. If you take a drug of abuse, whether it’s alcohol, nicotine, or cocaine, or methamphetamine – it doesn’t matter – what you’re going to be doing is temporarily increasing the concentration of dopamine in the brain.” (Medscape: August, 2007)
What this does to relationships
Healthy relationships are more difficult when any addictions are present. They might be substance addictions like speed, barbiturates, alcohol, or marijuana. Or they could be process addictions (which normally get little attention) such as addiction to work, exercise or even sex and love. Pia Melody, author of Facing Love Addiction, once said that love addiction kills frequently. Every time you hear of a murder-suicide, it usually is love addiction gone mad.
Coaches refer active, untreated addicts to appropriate help. Clients need to be ready and able to take action for coaching to work.
ADHD coaches could be compared to navigators, showing people where the holes in the sidewalk lie. Coaches teach people how to avoid those holes and, at the same time, facilitate the choice to take a different route--hopefully one that’s been recently paved.
This does not mean ignore the holes. Coaches must teach clients how to navigate through life in a way that avoids becoming trapped in them by making bad choices or getting bad results, things like losing a job or a spouse, engaging in impulsive actions like overspending or committing crime, etc.
Professional ADHD coaches know the pitfalls of an ADHD-brain. We know how to educate people to work around those issues and at the same time we must teach clients to discover their talents.
We don’t define people with ADHD as hopelessly defective, broken or flawed. ADHD is not a moral issue. When our clients or others talk like that, it is our responsibility to speak up. The negative traits people hear about ADHD are only a part of the reality. Many people with ADHD live exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling lives.
Coaches stand for their clients until they can stand for themselves.
If clients aren’t seeing themselves as intrinsically capable, ADHD coaches find a positive and build on it. We don’t ignore the client’s problems, but we believe that clients can make positive changes; we facilitate that. ADHD isn’t simply good or bad. It just is. It might be either useful or a hindrance depending on the circumstance and the actions taken or not.
In the rose analogy, if all your attention and work is on the level of the thorns, you’d be missing out on the beauty. In a dark room, working only on the level of darkness will not remove it no matter how hard you try. But lighting a single match makes darkness instantly vanish! That’s Maharishi’s principle of introducing the second element to a problem. As ADHD coaches we hunt with our clients for that second element or for a better solution.
Often when some new method clicks, clients say, I wonder why I didn’t think of that! Coaching implicitly contains the possibility of progress. ADHD coaches have to deal with the thorny issues but simultaneously we must not lose site of our client’s full potential. Acting as lighthouses, we can illuminate the way. Our clients do all the sailing.
I begin every coaching session by asking the client to tell me something good that happened during the week. At first many clients have difficulty seeing anything good happened. But as time progresses, they begin to notice life is about more than mistakes. Eventually they come to coaching meetings eager to tell something good that happened.
I also close on a positive note. I receive them and send them out the door having positive thoughts. While others around them are pointing out their faults, I make sure they catch themselves doing right.
Achievement and fulfillment are possible if one has an ADHD brain, but to enjoy them we must deal with the traits or habits that get in the way of success. Having ADHD can be a thorny rose, but who among us prefers dandelions?
About the author:
Glen Hogard is a Tulsa-based coach in private practice who specializes in working with students and adults with ADHD. You can email Glen using addcoach@cox.net or by phone at (918) 663-0255.